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Joke of the Day

"A man walks in on his roommate, Internet, crying in the other room. When he asks why, Internet sobs: ""Everything I touch turns gay!"""

"A gun and a bullet get into a heated argument Police still don't know who fired the first shot"

"How do you circumcise a whale? Fore-skin divers!"

"What do you call it when water is poured over a clock? Time dilution."

"Wife: You're shirtless? *nods* W: And covered in...oil? -Well, you know how you always say I never glisten? W: Listen. You never listen. -Oh"

"Anyone who shows up late to work, wearing shades and clutching a Gatorade is about to tell a lie."

"Teacher With student.. Teacher: Why are you late? Student: There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill. Teacher: That's nice. Were you helping him look for it? Student: No. I was standing on it."

"Why did the cows cross the road? They wanted to go to the mooo....vies"

"Pro Tip: If you see a girl shake the gas nozzle after filling up, she's got a wiener."

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Castro ! Castro who ? Castro bread upon the waters !"