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Joke of the Day

"The best answer to an American Apparel salesperson asking you if you're looking for anything specific is, ""the bottom half of a shirt."""

"What do you call a bakery staffed entirely by men? A pastryarchy."

"What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed? Oh sheet."

"Why learn a second language, when you don't have anything interesting to say in your first one?"

"What did the snail say when he was riding on the back of the turtle? Weeeeeeeeee"

"Do you know how many hydrogen bonds I can disrupt? (Chemistry pick-up line) Enough to break the ice, how's it going?"

"Me: BARTENDER! Bring me another beer. Him: Mom, I'm doing my homework. Me: *claps* Star! Him: I hate Twitter. Me: *belch* blocked."

"Mom, you bought me the wrong magazine! This isn't MAD, this is DISAPPOINTED!"

"Whats brown and sticky? a stick"

"Picture a scavenger hunt where the only items on the list are ""your house keys"" and ""your house."" Well, son, that's what drinking is like."