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Joke of the Day

"Ur hot plz marry me. *no reply* OH MY GOSH SORRY FOR THE POCKET TEXT LMAO"

"My dog has been chasing people on bikes lately so I had to take away his bike"

"Is anyone on Twitter named Sarah Connor? If so, where do you live? Nothing to worry about, just a simple survey for my neural net processor."

"You ever pump your gas slowly on purpose so no one realizes you only had $3 on you"

"It's a funny old world we live in. Once we had empires run by emperors, then we had kingdoms run by kings. Now we have countries..."

"My friend just graduated from her ballet course in university. She got a (2:2)"

"So I got a vasectomy today... Doctor walks in and says: ""you're in good hands, I've altered more balls than Tom Brady"""

"Why are tennis equipment factories so loud? Because everyone's making a racket."

"When a woman says she doesn't want a boyfriend what she really means is that she doesn't want you"

"If aliens are only on the quest for intelligent life, then Earth really has nothing to worry about."