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Joke of the Day

"Ur hot plz marry me. *no reply* OH MY GOSH SORRY FOR THE POCKET TEXT LMAO"

"What is white and lies in the grass? A shleep."

"What's a Jawa's favorite salad dressing? ....TAHINI!!!"

"Why didn't we learn about essential oils in school? I mean, that shit is ESSENTIAL. Should've been the first lesson!"

"I like my beer like i like my violence.. Domestic."

"Kate Upton Nightmare... ""Hey, last night I had a nightmare, I dreamed I was Kate Upton's new born baby, but I was bottle fed... ... [I know it's soggy, but it made me laugh...]"

"An old joke I learnt [Clean] A peanut was stuck on the tracks His heart was all a flutter A train came down the track *Choo Choo!* Peanut butter."

"Don't apologize because you haven't tweeted in a while. No one cared."

"Is the age of consent for dogs 18 or 2.572?? (Need to know ASAP)"

"Q. How do you know a blonde has been using a dishwasher? A.It's cloged up with paper plates."