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Joke of the Day

"I got 45 pages into writing my autobiography before I realized I was just typing the lyrics to Smash Mouth's ""All Star"" over and over again."

"Why do we never take the time to thank mislabeled concrete? It's mistaken for granite."

"ME: woud u be open to adoption? HUSBAND: yes [later, at the adoption agency] ME: yes hi, i'd like to put my husband up for adoption"

"*knock knock* ""Who's there?"" *knock knock ""I said, 'Who's there?'"" *knock knock ""......Hello?"" ......*doorknob jiggles ""The fuck?!"""

"My Zombie Friend was getting fat. So his doctor put him on a diet. It was a no-brainer."

"Why does Saturday stink? Because it has a turd in it."

"If your dog is fat it means that you don't get enough exercise."

"Everyone says to do a job you love. So i bet suicide bombers always have a blast."

"In Canada, she's Kilometery Cyrus."

"How Many Tourettes Sufferers Does It Take To Change A Lightbulb? Penis."