107338

Joke of the Day

"I am 72% Jesus Jesus walked on water. Watermelons are 72% water. I can walk on watermelons. Therefore, I'm 72% Jesus."

"Is it a blow job or a blowjob? Fuck I hate writing thank you cards..."

"I can count on one hand the number of times I've blown four of my fingers off with illegal fireworks."

"Why was the calf afraid? He was a cow-herd!"

"I've gone unverified for 5,000 years. Why change now?"

"prayers by believers to a ""Sweet Jesus"" imply additional deities: Sour Jesus, Salty Jesus, Umami Jesus and, most frighteningly, Bitter Jesus"

"You are what you think you are Her: What do you do? Me: Global prosthetics distribution. Her: So you're an artificial limb salesman? Me: I prefer international arms dealer'."

"There's no use crying over spilt milk. Particularly skimmed milk. Skimmed milk is watery enough without you sobbing into it."

"I can eat an untied shoe lace and poop it out tied I shit you knot!"

"My fiancee is like a good joke Short and Sweet"