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Joke of the Day

"I used to work for a bank but then I lost interest."

"Passed a vampire, a zombie, and a prostitute on the way to work tonight. Not sure which ones were in costume..."

"It's called karma, and it's pronounced ""haha! Screw you!"""

"Girl, if you got any hotter you'd be so earth-shatteringly hot the ground would split & we'd burn to death in molten lava. That would suck."

"If a man runs over his wife, who's fault is it? The mans, why was he driving in the kitchen?"

"Why did Windows skip 9? Because 7 ate 9."

"I got in a lot of trouble on a date recently because I didn't open the car door for her Instead I just swam up to the surface"

"What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? Alickalotopuss"

"I shaved my sack last week... Now I have poke' balls."

"[planning for wedding] i found us a remote location ""Omg where?"" *points to fanny pack stapled to wall above TV* The remote goes there now"