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Joke of the Day

"By all sensible rules of anatomy, if you have shit for brains, you shouldn't be alive. Science, people."

"I won the lottery for a million dollars today so I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity. ... ... I now have $999,999.75"

"Nothing is certain but death and Adobe Flash Player updates."

"I'm not interested in your cat unless it's on its 8th life and about to do something incredibly stupid."

"I seemed to have lost all my vegetable puns I hope they turnip somewhere"

"What does an identity thief look like? A mirror."

"Relationship advice on /r/relationships User: So my boyfriend and I... Adviser: Dump him."

"My girlfriend left me a roll of quarters for laundry today She told me to try to not blow it all on one load..."

"What happened after the King of All Cosmos destroyed the stars in a drunken rage? Divine intervention. edit: Oh."

"What did one saggy boob say to the other? If we don't get support soon, people will think we are nuts."