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Joke of the Day

"What does an identity thief look like? A mirror."

"Why do fish always have c-sections? Because they can't have land sections"

"I'm sure it's just a coincidence that pop music has gotten shittier since we started picking our artists on game shows."

"Why didn't the criminal train operator die when he got the electric chair? he was a bad conductor."

"GOD: Moses!! I COMMAND YOU TOcan you take your shoes off MOSES: What? Why G: I'm trying to keep the place nice, OK? M: It's a mountain"

"What Reddit taught me... If I'm doing that too much, I should do it again after 51 seconds."

"When Chuck Norris goes swimming he doesn't get wet. The water gets Chuck Norris."

"Oh. You lost your phone and it's on silent? If you like it, you should've put a ring on it."

"What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeno business."

"People always say ""Wow, your baby looks so much like you,"" as though it's supposed to defy genetics & look exactly like a coffee mug."