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Joke of the Day

"I tried to catch some fog. I mist."

"What did the green grape say to the purple grape? ""Breathe, dummy!"""

"Lying in bed, my girlfriend turned to me and said ""You're a lot like a math exam."" I replied ""Why? Because I'm long and hard?"" She said, ""No, I'm cheating on you with an Asian."""

"Car alarms would be a lot more effective if they sounded like two people fighting. I'd peak out my window for that."

"Reddit's attention span"

"What's a nice way to tell someone that you don't want talk while you're working out? It's not ""Shut up, asshole."" Apparently."

"I just got fired for looking up clown videos on my lunch break. My boss didn't buy that ""Lisa Ann gets creampied"" is a clown video"

"Thursday is that guy who shows up early for the party, with margarita mix and no booze."

"Why don't blind people skydive? Because it scares their dogs too much!"

"Just thought of this burn Your dick is so small, when you piss it sounds like Wile E. Coyote falling off a cliff."