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Joke of the Day

"What is the proper expression of gratitude when someone calls you a good listener? ""Huh?"""

"I don't know about you, but I can't wait to be ashamed about what I do this weekend."

"I downloaded the Qur'an the other day.... if you like i'll burn you a copy :D"

"At the store: Sir, do you have cotton balls? Look, if I had cotton balls my kids would be plush toys!"

"I'm not ready for a child, I should have never banged that stork."

"{newer version} I like my coffee like I like my slaves Dark, strong & black and locked inside somewhere so it cant leave. They must be cheap to purchase and it cant talk back to me."

"The most potent strain of marijuana has just been released to the public reports say consumption has reached an all-time high"

"Next time you think you're weird think about how Walt Disney had a fetish for ducks and mice in high heels and shitload of mascara."

"What are terrorists taught in math class? Jihadmetry. What do they learn about? ISISciles triangles."

"Ran out of time At work today a coworker said to me... Coworker: I was goin to make a smoothie for breakfast but I ran out of time . Me: You put thyme in your smoothie ?! ."