156091

Joke of the Day

"I never run with scissors Those last two words were unnecessary"

"It's always I before E Except when you run a feisty heist on a weird beige foreign neighbor."

"Girlfriend Pissing You Off? Text her ""He's busy"" and turn your phone off."

"People always tell me to act my age so I bought expensive cheese."

"My doctor said the best thing I could do for my health was to go outside more. He told me to pick a fun outdoor hobby to motivate me to get out of the house. So I started smoking."

"You laugh because you think it's a joke. I laugh because you think I'm joking."

"What do you call it when two Mexicans were in a car accident and one had both legs amputated? Juan and a half"

"Hey are you free this weekend? (Gazes into distance) (Wipes tear from cheek) (Bald Eagle screeches) ""I'm always free"""

"I hate it when I hear someone joke about the Holocaust. It's just wrong. Anne Frankly, I won't stand for it."

"How would you describe Al Gore playing the drums? Algorithm."