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Joke of the Day

"That moment the school calls because 15 was caught drinking at school and it's still the same principal that had to call your parents."

"Why do scientists call helium , curium and barium the medical elements? Because, if you can't helium or curium , you'd barium!"

"The early bird gets the worm but the early worm gets eaten, so... I choose sleep."

"What's a panda's favourite drink? Bambooze"

"[therapy session] THERAPIST: ok...I totally respect your feelings & you sound genuine...but that was just the plot of Jurassic Park ME: nuh uh"

"How to impress your ex: 1. Get rich 2. Get more attractive 3. Get a tiger 4. Ride tiger everywhere in preparation for confrontation with ex"

"(Starbucks drive thru) Me: I'd like to pay-it-forward for the car behind me. Barista: That will be $30 Me: How much for the car behind him?"

"What is the difference between Jelly and Jam? You can't jelly your cock down your girlfriend's throat."

"What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus? You only need one nail to hang the picture."

"Why did the mexican push his wife off the cliff? Because he wants tequila. Literally."