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Joke of the Day

"The early bird gets the worm but the early worm gets eaten, so... I choose sleep."

"What does a mechanic do for a one night stand? ... He nuts and bolts."

"They say they're free weights, but the gym gets pissed if you put them in your car and leave."

"We used to have a dog with no back legs and steel balls We called him Sparky."

"What is ET short for? He's only got those little legs."

"I haven't spoken to my wife in 20 years I didn't want to interrupt her."

"What's green, fuzzy, and if it falls out of a tree it'll kill you? A pool table."

"What' the bare minimum? One bear"

"Why did the grapes gang rape and sodomize the orange with a chain saw? They found him aPEELing."

"I could get hit and killed by a truck right in front of him and my dentist would still find a way to blame it on the fact that I don't floss"