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Joke of the Day

"Why is Edward Snowden stuck in Russia? Because he's snowed-in"

"*discretely picks a booger* *slyly wipes it on her blouse* Funeral Director: Sir, we can see you and narrating it just makes it worse."

"Nothing interesting has happened today. I haven't been robbed at knifepoint. I haven't been sold into sexual slavery. I'll keep you updated."

"Why did the stoplight turn red? Well, you would too, if you had to change in front of that many people!"

"When I reached the border patrol checkpoint, I raised my kale smoothie & the officer immediately waved me through."

"White people don't shoot each other in the streets like black people do... We shoot each other in schools, because we have class."

"Where do police put their drinks? Copholders"

"They said she was a cat lady but when I threw her off a small building she didn't land on her feet and now I'm in jail for murder."

"How do Filipinos count money? One-a two-a three-a four-a another-a ..."

"What's the difference between a carpenter and a construction worker? 30 IQ points. This, as any carpenter will tell you, isn't a joke."