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Joke of the Day

"Last night a girl told me to give her 12 inches and make it hurt... So I fucked her twice and punched her in the head."

"Me: I want to buy this chicken Farmer: Ok. Gonna take him home and eat him? *imagines self fighting crime with new chicken buddy* Me: Yes"

"Drinks at the bar should be served in capri sun-like pouches, and if you can't get the straw in, you are cut off."

"Why did the vengeful fireman lose his job? He tried fighting fire with fire."

"When Gwen Stefani goes to Hawaii I bet she aint no mahaloback girl either."

"What is the worst thing you want to hear from a doctor giving you a prostate exam? ""Look ma, no hands!"""

"Have you heard about the deaf guy? I don't think he did either."

"If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question?"

"Nutella. A delicious mix of nuts and umbrellas."

"I'm not sure Donald Trump is qualified to sit in an exit row on a plane"