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Joke of the Day

"How can you tell if a redneck is on her period? You can see the blood on the tip of her dad's penis."

"Reports coming in of mass sheep rustling Suspects on the lamb"

"Auto correct can go straight to He'll"

"Before my surgery, the anesthetist offered to use knockout gas or whack me over the head with a canoe paddle. It was an ether/oar situation."

"I wonder what happened to that dumb blonde I went out with. I dyed my hair !"

"Why do men struggle to urinate with an erection? It's just too hard."

"Had to have ""the sex talk"" with my daughter, she was a little overwhelmed so I left out the part about golden showers & donkey punches"

"If I ever get a dog I'm going to teach him how to fetch useful things like tv remotes, iPhones and men who like red wine."

"WIFE: Will he ever wake up? DOCTOR: Only a shocking truth will do it W: i sold his pet hamster ME *eyes fly open* WHERE HAS THEODORE GONE"

"What did the daschund say when he was neutered? Auf weinersehen"