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Joke of the Day

"My new years resolution is not to be a dick, you dicks."

"I'm not making any resolutions this year because I'm still working on the ones from 2003."

"How can you tell if someone is a chemistry major? They have a mole on their body."

"How do you drive an accountant completely insane? Tie him to a chair stand in front of him and fold up a road map the wrong way."

"Two guys walk into a bar... the third one ducks."

"Why do midgets always laugh when playing soccer? The grass tickles their balls!"

"I like my coffee, how I like my slaves. free"

"""You hang UP."" ""No, YOU hang UP."" - Movie theater workers arguing about hanging movie poster for Up."

"My friend told me a joke about alarms I thought it was a snooze."

"This is embarrassing but I just noticed that I've been wearing ""2006"" New Year's Eve glasses for the past decade. :("