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Joke of the Day

"Two guys walk into a bar... the third one ducks."

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"On my deathbed, I hope to be surrounded by family and friends while I take a few last second glances at Twitter on my iPhone."
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"Neighbor may have just called the cops after hearing me yell at the cat for stealing my cheese bread"
"""It's going to be amazing!"" No, it's not."
"Why are there so many good jokes about feminists? Well, they're huge targets..."
"Favorite cannibal movies: 3) Cannibal Holocaust 2) Cannibal Ferox 1) She's Having a Baby"
"Some guys think sweaters are sexy, but I don't like girls who sweat more than the usual amount."
"What's a pigs favorite morning tv show ? Morning Ham"
"What was Hitler's problem when the lights went out? He could Nazi. Edit: Fuck me, Reddit. I heard you *liked* puns..."