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Joke of the Day

"Bouncer: ID please Me: I got socks for Christmas Bouncer: ...okay Me: and I'm genuinely happy about it Bouncer: so sorry come on in"

"What's the difference between a car tyre, and 365 condoms? One's a Goodyear, an the other's a great year."

"Before you criticize someone... walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you'll be a mile away and have their shoes."

"Why do you always see beggars at protests? They're always looking for some sort of change!"

"How do you wake up Lady Gaga? You poke her face. I'll see myself out."

"""I've been in 3 emotionally abusive relationships"" Said Dave to his new friend. ""I'm so sorry!"" ""Huh. I had them thinking it was their fault as well"""

"HEY WE DON'T SERVE TACHYONS HERE! A tachyon walks into a bar"

"Why did the religious person give up smoking? Because God hates fags."

"What's the difference between a baby and a tree? Trees don't bleed when you cut their limbs off."

"[Adam and Eve in bed] Adam, am I really the only girl for you? GOD EVE, YOU'RE LITERALLY THE ONLY GIRL ON THE FACE OF THE EARTH"