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Joke of the Day

"Spending half of the movie wondering where the fuck did I see this actor before..."

"What do you call a mentally ill person without arms and legs? Call him whatever you want, its not like he's gonna get up and do anything about it."

"The worst part about being bitten by a venomous spider... ...Is that you're probably Australian"

"Does anyone want a free microwave? Contact me. We can talk about how we both want a free microwave"

"Did you hear about the man who ate nothing but prune juice and viagra? He couldn't tell if he was coming or going."

"Say the punchline first. Wait, I mean, how do you ruin a good joke?"

"Why did the condom go flying through the air? He was pissed off. (It took me an embarrassing amount of time to get this one.)"

"What's the difference between an angel and a Scotsman? To one you say, ""Hey you, get off my cloud!"" The other: ""Hey McLoed, get off my ewe!"""

"Why is Santa's Sack so big? Because he only comes once a year."

"What is the most popular vehicle in South America? They drive alpacars."