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Joke of the Day

"Nice hourglass figure, girl. Wanna come back to my place and stand on your head so my friends and I can keep time while we play Pictionary?"

"Does your dog know how how to surf the internet? No - but he's got a ruff idea."

"How can you tell the Ethiopian diplomat at a political function? He's the one with the gold Rolex around his neck."

"I wanted to be a pilot in the air force But they said I didn't have the right altitude."

"Why did the two boa constrictors get married ? Because they had a crush on each other !sna"

"Why does everyone love when a ghost goes to a party? Because he always brings the boos"

"I'd like rap a lot better if they sang, played instruments, had talent, and didn't rap."

"[lifts $1000 apple watch to my face] Wrist computer: show me where hot dogs are."

"[the instructor clearly frustrated with me on first day of veterinary school] ""It doesn't matter if its a dog, it's still called a cat scan"""

"Me: I like that... Me: *looks at price tag* .... Me: I don't like that anymore."