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Joke of the Day

"""How's the wine?"" ""House red?"" ""Yes."" *sips, swills, spits* ""Wow it's got too much body."" ""Sorry, I should have evicted the tenants first."""

"Why are redneck murder cases the hardest to solve? Because all the DNA matches and there are no dental records."

"What is the most religious unit in electrical engineering? Ohm."

"The neighbors are looking at me strangely again. Like they have never seen a man sitting on his roof with a pair binoculars before."

"What does DNA Helicase and a 16 year old boy have in common? the both want to unzip your genes. if you didnt get it: https://ca.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20121209104938AAKihOC"

"It's too bad Batman's real name wasn't Bruce Bates, then Alfred would be saying Master Bates all the time."

"Me: 'I love you so much, I'll see you later beautiful' Girlfriend: 'I love you too' Me: *Looks up from patting dog* 'Yeah see you later'"

"My wife asked me what her favorite type of flower was. Apparently ""All-Purpose"" wasn't the correct answer."

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Albert ! Albert who ! Albert you don't know who this is !"

"Just saw a dude catcall a woman with ""Nice heels, girl"" and his friend slapped him and said ""Those are knock offs, bro"""