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Joke of the Day

"*hitler leans in close to the mic* and the next person to question me gets executioned *grammar nazi bites lip*"

"Q. Why did the line dancer cross the dance floor? A. To get to the other (Electric) Slide!"

"What do you call post-modern Persians? PomIranians"

"Me: Goodnight moon Moon: night. Me: What? Moon: nothing. It's fine. Me: You're acting distant Moon: I'm 238,900 miles away"

"What does it take to claim the world record for 'most blowjobs in one hour? You need to be able to blow a lot of guys in quick suck session. ^^^yeah ^^^I ^^^know ^^^it's ^^^lame"

"I'm gonna start a company where I drive people around to haunted places. It'll be called Ghost Bus Tours"

"What happened after the eyeliner and mascara got in a fight? They had make-up sex."

"I'll be buried in a spring-loaded coffin stuffed w/ tons of confetti. In the future some archeologist is gonna have an awesome day at work."

"Reddit I'm in a bit of a pickle.. and it taste great"

"Gay men are fucking assholes"