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Joke of the Day

"I'll be buried in a spring-loaded coffin stuffed w/ tons of confetti. In the future some archeologist is gonna have an awesome day at work."

"What do they call shrimp killing a bunch of other shrimp? A krilling spree!"

"Two olives are pals, and they're hanging from the tree like they'vebeen for months. Suddenly, one falls to the ground. The remainingone says, ""Are you ok?"" And the other replies, ""Olive!"""

"TENS OF PEOPLE DIE EVERY YEAR FROM TIGER ATTACKS! JOIN THE MOVEMENT! #Tony2012"

"The very first thing you learn in life is how to think outside the box."

"It's going to be easy for Trump to build that wall... ... everyone's shitting bricks everywhere"

"Two lawyers are in a bar, and see a hot blonde sitting alone One of the lawyers looks at her and says ""Boy, I'd love to fuck her."" The second lawyer looked over and responded, ""out of what?"""

"My therapist told me to I need to learn to love myself... That would be settling, though- I can do better than that piece of crap!"

"Why is a creative writing workshop the first step when training to become a firefighter? Prose before Hose"

"Why doesn't Mexico ever win any medals in the Olympics? Because everyone who can run, jump, or swim has already crossed the border."