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Joke of the Day

"My therapist told me.. My therapist told me that I have a fear of confrontation. I didn't agree with her but I held my tongue in case it caused an argument."

"How do you become invisible? Get a child and then perform sex-altering surgery. Then you become a transparent."

"I love when I open my dryer door and money falls out instead of my cat."

"Last night I had a dream that I wrote the Lord of the Rings. When I woke up my wife said I had been Tolkien in my sleep..."

"Is your fridge running? Nah, it's chillin."

"How many divorced men does it take to change a light bulb? No one knows. They never get to keep the house. Edit: Thanks for all the awesome comments. I can't keep up!"

"Pedophiles aren't all that bad at least they go slow in school zones!"

"In an attempt to raise profits ... I've heard that Malaysian Air is considering offering 1/2 way tickets."

"[Restaurant] ""Good evening sir, would you like to hear the specials?"" Yes please ""THIS TOWN (AHH AHHH) IS COMIN LIKE A GHOST TOWN"""

"My best friend was brutally murdered last week Its only now that I can look back and laugh. - Norm Macdonald"