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Joke of the Day

"Last night I had a dream that I wrote the Lord of the Rings. When I woke up my wife said I had been Tolkien in my sleep..."

"Knock Knock..... who's there? Owls. Owls Who? Yes they do..."

"Although it may be true that I don't have a lot of friends, I do however have a significant amount of strangers that don't bother me."

"My Girlfriend is leaving me after learning that I spent our life savings on a penis extension. She said that she could not take it any longer."

"What's considered an homemade gift in China? An IPhone."

"Really?? EVERYBODY was Kung Fu fighting? Seems kind of implausible..."

"My 3 year old just got me with this one... 3 yo: Can I please have a mystery? Me: What is that? 3 yo: I don't know, it's a mystery (laughs hysterically)"

"A Jewish kid asks his dad... A Jewish kid asks his dad one day, ""Dad, I need five dollars."" His father replies, ""Four dollars? What the hell do you need three dollars for?!"""

"if ur in a horror movie scenario, a fun way to throw off the ghosts is to put a bed sheet over ur head and say ""i too am a spooky ghost"""

"Wanna know how I tell my sister is on her period? My Dad's dick tastes like blood."