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Joke of the Day

"Twitter. /twt.r/ (noun) Twit-ur: an omnidirectional toxic sludge pump for the lame and unfunny musings of the imbecilic masses."

"What did the hat say to the tie? You just hang here, Ill go on ahead"

"I would tell you a joke about pizza... ...but it would be too goddamn cheesey."

"My wife says that all she wants is an attentive lover...... ...or maybe it was a tent of lovers. I don't really know, I wasn't paying attention."

"Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven? It looks like you landed on your face"

"I am starting a support group for guys dealing with Autoerotic Asphyxiation. Our motto is: ""Hang in there, we can beat it."""

"People will put up with a lot of crap, but if you respond to someone's text with, ""k"" you have just crossed a line."

"Watching cooking shows makes you realize how much forehead sweat is possibly in your food"

"As a guy in the porn industry... I work hard."

"I like my women like I like my Building 7. Going down for no reason. That's a conspiracy reference that 9 out of 11 people don't get. It's an inside joke."