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Joke of the Day

"""911 whats ur emergency"" omg im DYING ""we'll send someone right awa"" i met THE funiest guy ""ok wait so ur not actualy"" AND HE STABBED ME"

"Will I. Am's headstone will read ""Will I. Was,"" completing history's longest set-up to a punchline"

"I just had a coughing fit and think I accidently created a Nicki Minaj song featuring Ke$ha. Sorry, you guys."

"A joke my 4 year old came up with today... Him: ""What's the only mammal that can breathe under water?"" Me: ""I dunno, what?"" Him (loudly): ""An elephant sticking his trunk up!"""

"God: You'll be cursed to travel the desert for 35 years Moses: *slipping him $20* How about 30 [Later] Moses: We must wander for 40 years"

"I like my coffee like I like my slaves #2 Fuck her right in the pussy."

"May you always be the one looking confused standing in the back of a group selfie"

"I never understood why people get buried in suits. When I die bury me in my PJ's. If I'm gonna be sleeping that long I wanna be comfortable."

"*puts on sports bra* Well, that's enough exercise for today..."

"Have you ever seen a duchess? Yes - it's the same as an English ""s"""