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Joke of the Day

"Interviewer: Why did you Leave your last job? Candidate: The Company Shifted Their Office & Didn't Tell me where it is....!!"

"What is the darkest / dirtiest joke you have ever heard???"

"Baby, tonight let's put the kids to bed, pour some wine, turn the lights down low & argue over whose turn it is to move the Elf on the Shelf"

"Sanders is blaming Trump for violence at his rally... because you can't truly be a National Socialist until you can excuse your brownshirts violence."

"i'm not ""cute"" awkward. i'm ""what the hell is wrong with you"" awkward."

"[in ambulance after being shot] can we [coughs blood] stop at Taco Bell? ""Don't be stupid! [turns around while driving] of course we can"""

"What happens to crude people? Crucified."

"So it is my anniversary I couldn't think of what to get her... But I finally settled on a plunger, because bitches love bringing up old shit"

"Wife thinks I was present for every conversation she's had with anyone, ever, and assumes I know what the hell she's talking about right now"

"Did you hear oxygen and magnesium started dating? I know, right! Like, OMg!"