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Joke of the Day

"Running a custard factory has its challenges You really go through thick and thin."

"If you ever feel like a third wheel, just stop.... You are not a third wheel. You are a majestic unicycle and they are your noble training wheels."

"It's really hard to explain that your eyes are really red from allergies and not weed when you're buying cupcakes and a pound of Doritos."

"Do you know why every new bride smiles? Because she just gave her last blow job."

"The American Presidential Campaign is a lot like the new Mac. **There is no escape.**"

"Why are men smarter during sex? Because during sex they're plugged into a fucking know-it-all!"

"I felt sorry for the hypnotist I saw last night...he hypnotized 7 guys...then dropped the mic on his foot and yelled*F@CK ME*...what happened next will haunt me for the rest of my life..."

"I put my earbuds on just like everybody else. Frantically as someone approaches."

"People ask if I saw any 'Red Flags'... Well, I was an anarcho-capitalist and she was a Hoxhaist..."

"A priest, a rabbi, and a nun walk into a bar. The bartender looks at them and says, ""What is this, a joke?"""