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Joke of the Day

"""Every time I go out, the paparazzi wants to make an oil painting of me. So annoying."" - 1700s celebrity"

"As far as I can tell, the only thing ghosts do is set up obstacle courses when I have to get up in the middle of the night to pee"

"French Knock Knock Joke Frappe Frappe ! - Qui est la? Losty - Losty qui? Oui, c'est pourquoi j'ai frappe!"

"""I'm in the best shape of my life!"" -Newborn baby"

"Bought $200 sunglasses. Lost them in 15 minutes. Bought Walmart sunglasses. Had them for 238 years."

"Why did the sperm cross the road? Because I put the wrong socks on this morning."

"Sometimes I think we are capable of great things as a species, but then I notice how many people can't put their shopping cart away."

"I'm tired of people complaining about trumps policies... so I decided to detail them out here"

"What's an alcoholic's favorite type of beer? All of them"

"What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhino? Fuck if I know."