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Joke of the Day

"What starts with an A and has a boom at the end? Allahu akbar"

"Naming your daughter after a luxury car or precious gemstone is a wager with the universe that your parenting can make her not be a stripper"

"Yo Mama so fat, when she takes a shower her feet don't get wet!"

"Love how dog food commercials advertise tastier formulas like that matters when deciding what to buy & feed a pet who eats its own vomit."

"""I ~don't own~ a TV."" *Binge-views 8 hours of Netflix in bed.*"

"My friend used the term ""bad ass"" for diarrhea. ""You're badass."" ""I'm... diarrhea?"" ""No I meant you are the shit, man."" ""WHAT???"""

"Why did the bee go to the doctor? Because he had hives."

"So I found out about this huge magnet near my house. It's called a Walmart and it pulls all the fat people in my town close to it."

"*Aquarium GUIDE: Octopuses are sensitive to camera flash so please turn off...ma'am don't flash the octopus ME: [pulls shirt back down] ok"

"Chuck Norris was what Willis was talking about."