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Joke of the Day

"what is the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? one is heavy, and the other is a little lighter."

"What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter? Pumpkin Pi"

"Spent the day removing $550,000,000 worth of stuff from my Amazon shopping cart."

"*sets cauldron over crackling fire* *adds lock of his hair* *does magicky stuff* Now love me. **POOF** *my left eyebrow falls off*"

"I made you brownies Me - I made you apology brownies. Her - Oh... I don't like chocolate. Me - I know, I'm not that sorry."

"I went to the doctor to get tested for ADHD... he said I've got it so bad, I have AD Blu-Ray"

"I thought my friend was a little camp... ...but he's just two tents."

"Once you go black... ...you're a single mother"

"Why are there rugs in front of the stove and the sink? So women know where to stand in the kitchen."

"A muslim, a communist, and an illegal immigrant walk into a bar. The bartender says hello Mr. President."