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Joke of the Day

"When my wife says ""I don't want to talk about it"" that's woman code for you better put your life on hold for 2 hours & find out what ""It"" is"

"I know many chemistry jokes... But im afraid they wont get a good reaction."

"I dream of a day when my toddler can poop and the entire neighborhood doesn't have to hear her say she's done."

"He tripped, and the laundry basket fell to floor, spilling clothes everywhere. I sat back and watched it all unfold."

"I just left my job. I could not work for my boss after the words he said to me. ""You're fired."""

"Just once I'd like someone to call me ""ma'am"" without having to add ""you need to calm down or we're going to have to ask you to leave"""

"ME: I'll have the chicken dinner. WAITER: Yes, sir. *throws corn on the floor* Here, chick chick chick. ME: *pecks at the ground* Excellent."

"When I was asked what my five year plan is I responded... I couldn't tell you, I only have 2020 vision. pm me if you want my address to come murder me in my sleep for this."

"I dream of living in a world where men are judged not by the color of their skin, but by the contents of their iPod."

"What is a hipster russian roulette? You got six cookies and five of them is gluten free."