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Joke of the Day

"Just once I'd like someone to call me ""ma'am"" without having to add ""you need to calm down or we're going to have to ask you to leave"""

"What do skeletons order at restaurants? Spare ribs."

"How do you stop a dog humping your leg? Suck it off"

"*job interview* so tell me a fun fact about yourself Guy: well when I was 5 I fell into the Cincinnati Zoo gorilla exh- get the hell out"

"So I heard most people who use tinder don't have much furniture in their bedrooms... ...most have one night stand"

"Asking me if I want a bag for the box of tampons I just bought is like asking me if they're for here or to go."

"God, designing a toddler: ya know what would be hilarious would be if it has no ability to reason but talks nonstop. Also make it trip a lot"

"There are only 3 lawyer jokes. The rest are all true."

"A friend asked if I thought there was alien life on other planets and I was like don't give up hope, there's someone out there for you"

"What do you call a Mustard Competition? A Compe*Dijon*"