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Joke of the Day
"What does a Jewish pedophile say? L'Hymen!"
Next Joke
"Why was the programer killed by a snake? He underestimated the speed of the python."
"Who dropped a wad of notes with an elastic band round them? I did! Well here's the elastic band."
"HER: You look so nervous. ME: *nervously* HA. I'm never nervous. HER: You're sweating. ME: *just freaking out* That's bravery moisture."
"I just went to poop without my phone & had to entertain myself with a magazine like a god damned caveman."
"Why did I eat so much paste in kindergarten? It really stuck to my ribs."
"I bet the best way to disguise your surveillance van is not to use van at all. Like, whoa, who's in that hot air balloon? Probably not cops."
"1. have a child 2. never mention it on facebook 3. dress it in old-timey clothes and have it stand in the background of all your photos"
"imagine a reverse pizza. the missing hole on the table where the pizza is meant to be. everything else is pizza. the solar system. the air."
"Life doesn't matter. Life IS matter."