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Joke of the Day

"NOAH'S GOOGLE HISTORY 1) What is an ark? 2) How 2 build ark 3) Can god just build ark? 4) Are snakes necessary? 5) Is god real or am I high?"

"Shrek came out in 2001 Good for him"

"My wife just delivered twin boys and let me name them From her reaction, I'm guessing ""Pete"" and ""Repeat"" wasn't the best choice."

"Getting a girlfriend is a lot like getting a car The more money you have, the more options you have."

"From my 6yo Me (after having taught her subtraction): ""So, what's the difference between 10 and 5?"" ""They're just two different numbers!"""

"How do you fit 100 Jews in a Volkswagen? 2 in the front, 3 in the back, 1 in the boot and the rest in the ashtray."

"Just received an email saying: ""Want to see Celine Dion live?"" My first thought was that it was a ransom demand."

"brb, taking out the trash so I took out 9gag"

"Q: Did you hear about the burned down tree? A: It was ash."

"I'm not one to brag about my financial skills, but my credit card company calls me almost every day to tell me my balance is outstanding. ~ Rob DenBleyker (Cyanide & Happiness)"