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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend asked if I wanted to fast today and I thought she said fist. As a result, she was not amused and she may be pressing charges."

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"If you're havin' girl problems I feel bad for you, son. We live in a patriarchal society where they're not considered as important or valid."
"I wouldn't mind getting arrested today because I'm having a great hair day and my mug shot would be fabulous."
"Text abbreviations date back to the days of the telegraph with common shorthand like DFMWOL for ""Dying From Musket Wound Out Loud."""
"Why did Courteney Cox? Because Lisa Kudrow."
"What do you call a gay dinosaur? A stego-sore-ass"
"PEOPLE WITH CHRONICALLY MOIST HANDS: When you have dry lips, rub them on your palms. I call it Lip palm. It's free."
"How many conspiratards does it take to screw in a light bulb....? ""NONE! ITS A SECRET GOVERNMENT PLOT TO KEEP US IN THE DARK!"""
"Abortions are so fun It really brings out the kid in you"
"Lindsay Lohan said she's voting for Mitt b/c ""employment is really important right now"" Like it's Obama's fault no one wants to hire her."