154477

Joke of the Day

"if somone acidentaly walks in while ur in the bathroom, do not react at all. this avoids embarasment & makes them wonder if they are a ghost"

"is it considered a threesome if i jack off with both hands?"

"[Reality TV] HOST: Welcome to America's Next Top Psychic! Please, try not to-- *One contestant stands up*: I WON! H: --ruin it."

"I have a friend who everyone knows is gay but he won't admit it. He'll swallow everything but his pride."

"What's the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi? People in Dubai don't like the Flintstones but people in Abu Dhabi doooooo."

"Arrived home last night to find a man trying to steal my front gate. I didn't abuse him though, I thought he may take a fence."

"I think we should invest in mosquito nets for Africa We can save millions of mosquitos from needlessly dying of aids"

"[bankruptcy court] JUDGE: Didn't you do any financial planning? ME: *lips pressed on mic* Yes, your Honor, I was planning on having finances"

"Why does a chicken coop always have two doors? Because if it had four doors it would be a chicken sedan."

"My favorite thing to say when a man offers me a drink is, ""Of course I'll have another...I AM drinking for two, after all!"""