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Joke of the Day

"I have a friend who everyone knows is gay but he won't admit it. He'll swallow everything but his pride."

"Who was the most well rounded knight at King Arthur's round table? Circumference"

"Low self esteem group meeting Please use the back door"

"restaurant Waiter: Your coffee Me: Could I have a little spoon please? Waiter: Certainly *delicately embraces me from behind* Me: lovely"

"*wife gives me a big hug before I leave for work* I love you too, babe! [later] Where's my credit card? Son of a.."

"BAD MATH JOKE TIME. For pi day, my friend was selling pies as a fundraiser, so because I love pie, I decided to buy two. I went from 0 to 2. I went absolutely nowhere."

"I hate the lack of entertainment on westjet flights It's driving me bored-air-line crazy"

"Women 15 to 65 At 15, a girl is a SURPRISE. At 25, she is the RIGHT PRIZE. At 35,she is a GRAND PRIZE. At 45,she is a CONSOLATION PRIZE. At 55, she is a DOOR PRIZE, and at 65,she is a GIVEAWAY PRIZE"

"Which Hollywood actress has made sure all sci-fi movies like alien; ghostbusters; avatar & chappie are ""woven"" together? Sigourney ""Weaver"" :P"

"Your baby's got pink eye, bronchitis AND a double ear infection? Are you even trying to keep him alive?"