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Joke of the Day

"Wife:Have you seen the bag of dog treats? Me:*flashback of drunk me eating what I thought was a bag of beef jerky.. No? W: Really? Idiot."

"Jellyfish have survived here on Earth for 650 million years without brains. Great news for stupid people."

"What has little balls and screws old ladies? A bingo machine."

"I'm no gynecologist, but I'll take a look."

"My friend recently got crushed by a pile of books but he's only got his shelf to blame"

"It's okay Pluto I am not a planet either."

"How do you know if a fortune-teller is shit? You knock on her door and she shouts ""Who is it?""."

"How about I slip down your chimney, at half past midnight?"

"I'm on a new diet where all I eat is soup on weekdays. It's called: Miso Hungry."

"Hospital... A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, ""No change yet."""