154266

Joke of the Day

"Flovers Joke A man comes home with a bokay of flowers for his girlfriend and she says ""I guess I'll have to spread my legs now."" And her boyfriend asks ""Why, don't you have a vase?"""

"LinkedIn is a terrible dating site"

"Early in any job interview be sure to use the phrase ""I always give 110%"", so you can quickly gauge their tolerance for working with idiots."

"In my defense I told him it was my cheat day and I didn't understand why he brought home cupcakes and not Juan from the gym"

"if you wear a bikini instead of a bra you can go out with wet hair & people will just think you've been swimming which is athletic not lazy"

"welcome to Olive Garden! when you're here, you're family. sit up straight. have you gained weight? why can't you be more like your sister"

"Did you hear that the Indian bakery closed? I guess it was a naan-profit business."

"I was rescued after being exposed to the elements... I couldn't feel my fingers or toes, so I got the doctor to tell it to me straight. His reply: ""Once they go black, they never grow back."""

"""God damn it son. I'm not made out of honey!"" - Father bee to son bee."

"Why aren't there any baby Transformers? Because Auto-Bots pull out!"