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Joke of the Day

"Early in any job interview be sure to use the phrase ""I always give 110%"", so you can quickly gauge their tolerance for working with idiots."

"Why did the rope go to jail? Because he was knotty"

"Roses are red violets are take your clothes off"

"Humpty Dumpty fell off the wall and sued the construction company for using poor material for building the wall"

"What do little miss muffet and ISIS have in common? They both have curds in their whey."

"Go ahead, mate with someone who wears glasses, add to the degradation of our eyesight as a species. Not like there are bears we need to spot"

"Do you think all these parents who named their daughters after flowers really gave much thought to how much teenage boys like to pluck?"

"What is the most ironic thing a Jew can say? I want to be cremated."

"The Galaxy is the greatest rapper alive. It rhymes in universes. :)"

"1) Put on chicken costume 2) Go to store to pick up eggs 3) Run up to store manager and emotionally scream ""WHO DID THIS TO MY CHILDREN????"""