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Joke of the Day

"Miley Montana (whatever) has decided to quit ""singing"" to focus on ""acting"". I am very ""concerned."""

"No I don't watch Mad Men. If I wanted to pretend like it was fifty years ago I'd just go to a Tea Party Rally."

"Getting Old- It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee maker."

"What is the equivalent to Area-51 in Canada? Area-51, A"

"Rich person joke What's the difference between 100 dead babies and a Ferrari? I don't have 100 dead babies in my garage"

"I called the urologist's office for an appointment for erectile dysfunction The girl at the desk (checking the calendar) ""ok, let's see if we can get you in.."" I said, ""exactly."""

"I call my nephews ""Dude"" and ""Homie"" because I'm the cool Aunt! (I don't know their names.)"

"Donald Trump's tweets are actually really entertaining if you imagine him tweeting from a gold toilet while having violent diarrhea."

"How to tell if someone is pedantic Say, ""Hey, you're being pretty pendantic."" If they respond with this, they're pedantic: ""No, I'm *pe*dantic, not *pen*dantic."""

"Give a man a fish... And he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish... And he'll wanna use your yacht!"