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Joke of the Day

"A wife is worried about her body... Wife: ""I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?"" Husband: ""You have perfect eyesight."""

"I saw a group of children crying during my visit to Kiev so I said, ""What Ukraine for?"""

"Engineers How do you tell if an engineer is an extrovert? They look at *your* shoes while they talk to you."

"I can fit the lyrics of the song 'Uptown Funk' into any conversation that I have... Don't believe me? Just watch!"

"You never realize what have till its gone........ Toilet paper is a good example of this."

"I won't do standup right now... Let me wipe my ass first."

"Hitler is walking in an extermination camp with the camp manager.. ""Why is there such a sweet smell in the air?"" Hitler asked. ""Today we're burning the diabetic"" answered the manager. Edit: Spelling."

"How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? ""Oh sure, just because I'm a woman means I have to do everything around here. And let me tell you..."""

"Wanna hear a joke? Lifetime movies."

"""No, I didn't forget your gift"" *digs in purse ""Got you this hairspr..I need that. Got you this keyring"" *removes keys"