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Joke of the Day

"If you never include your body in your selfies, I am forced to assume that you don't have one. Carry on floating head selfie chick."

"I was arrested for killing a black man I thought I would be charged with murder, but instead I was charged with impersonating a police officer."

"Jesus christ, guys! Can we stop arguing about politics for ONE second and change subject to something more lighthearted? So what are your guys' thoughts on abortion?"

"What does a dancing piece of land in the middle of nowhere? Plot twisting!"

"Why didn't Russia return the NSA whistleblower to the United States? He was Snowden."

"Who is a vampire likely to fall in love with ? The girl necks door."

"My biggest problem with passive smoking is having to follow the smoker around."

"There are 10 types of people in the world Those who understand binary and those who don't"

"I can be up bright or early. Pick one."

"What is better than coming second in the Special Olympics? Not being retarded. Sorry guys. Poor taste. But it is what it is."