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Joke of the Day

"furniture disease i just got home from the doctor's and i have really bad news. turns out i have the furniture disease. its where your chest hangs down past your drawers"

"Damn you bladder stop releasing my precious beer."

"Everything is made in China, except for babies, they're made in VaChina!"

"""Talk to the hand!"" - deaf people"

"Today I decided to study abroad... Or maybe two "

"""Peanuts, big butts, M&M's, large butts, raisins, huge butts."" - Sir Trail Mix-a-Lot"

"cops shutting down my giant SLIP N' SLIDE again because the traffic on the highway needs to get around us I guess"

"Me: let's go this way. Shopping cart: no."

"Posing with your cat to attract men is like posing with your cat to attract men,"

"If scientists weren't so busy advancing yogurt technology, we'd have flying cars by now."