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Joke of the Day

"They should make halloween albums like they do for Christmas. I'd love to hear a Michael Buble version of Monster Mash."

"Don't forget to take a screen shot of the weather forecast today and post it on Instagram."

"How does a musician make a million dollars? They start with 2 million."

"What do you call a cow... What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean Beef. What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef. What do you call a cow with epilepsy? Beef Jerky."

"So my friends played a practical joke on me They gave me a candy bar & told me it was chocolate, but it was actually carob. Fucking carob terrorists!"

"How is your job and your wife different? I don't mind telling work the other jobs I've done"

"Drop it! Please, just DROP IT. - My dog, whenever I'm eating."

"Why didn't Sally become a prostitute to pay her bills? Because it was Plan B."

"What's a terrible plate pun? dish one."

"Why is craving karma points ironic? Because it's pointless."