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Joke of the Day

"My marriage is a mess and I'm in real financial trouble. But the McRib will return one day, and that's what keeps me going."

"I spend 17% of my day wiping the fingerprints off my phone screen."

"A Buddhist walks over to a hotdog stand He goes to the vendor and says ""Make me one with everything."""

"What should you do if a bird poos on your car? Don't ask her out again"

"John Wilkes Booth is one of history's greatest stand-up comedians I heard he really killed at Ford's Theatre."

"I'll never know if those cookies will give me super powers or not unless I eat some."

"Boob Size Grades A ---> Almost Boobs B ---> Barely there C ---> Can't Complain! D ---> Damn! DD ---> Double damn! E ---> Enormous! F ---> Fake G ---> Get a reduction!"

"I would love to go to the bar tonight but, people."

"Q: How many bears would Bear Grylls grill, if Bear Grylls could grill bears? A: As many bears as Bear Grylls' grill can bear."

"Fred: I thought there was a choice for lunch today. . Cook: There is. Fred: No there isn't. There's only cheese pie. Cook: You can choose to eat it or leave it."