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Joke of the Day

"Boob Size Grades A ---> Almost Boobs B ---> Barely there C ---> Can't Complain! D ---> Damn! DD ---> Double damn! E ---> Enormous! F ---> Fake G ---> Get a reduction!"

"Women have a good 6th sense. I smiled at a girl in the mall once. When I got home I opened the door and my wife met me with a drop kick."

"On a scale of Casey Anthony to Jerry Sandusky ...how much do you love your children?"

"I wake up everyday planning to be productive and then a voice in my head says ""Haha good one!"" and we laugh and laugh and take a nap"

"Your ex is posting passive-aggressive spiritual memes again"

"Many of my tumblr friends identify as otherkin. Be it wolfkin, eaglekin or yes even fantasykin. I myself identify as a jedi. So I'm forcekin."

"What happened to Frankenstein's stupid son? He had so much wax in his ears that he became a permanent contributor to Madame Tussaud's."

"Hi, I'd like to order a baby ""Excuse me?"" It says here you deliver babies? ""Sir this is a hospital"" [vampire quickly hangs up phone]"

"What`s the definition of frustration? A 16 year old boy outside the Fuck-For-A-Buck shop with only 99 cents."

"*84th flr* CW: You look sad, can I cheer you up? M: Heard Van Halen's ""Jump""? CW: Sure! Me: Jump out that window and sing it on the way down"